15 June, 2003 - 9:41 p.m.
Today I went to great america with a bunch of people, It was fun, though I got tired quickly. I hope to go again soon with CRG. I did laundry and changed bedsheets and other such things too today. I tried to call my dad for dad's day, but he wasn't home.
I Noticed something about myself today, and I'm not sure what to think of it.... If Me and a bunch of people are going and doing something, often I will give excuse to the other people of why we shouldn't go, even if I do want to go. I was doing it with PGA today "It's going to be hot out, and probably crowded, are you sure you want to go?" I kinda know why I do it. I'm giving whomever it is an out. On a certain level, I think that people are just going and doing stuff with me to be nice/to not hurt my feeling, or something like that, and they don't really want to go. I'm not sure where I picked up this thinking/habit. I know it's in part because I don't drive and i feel bad sometimes asking for rides places... anyways, Just really kinda noticed it today and was thinking about it.
And More in today's deep thoughts.... I had a dream last night about Omelas.. (The ones that walked away from omelas, i THINK it's by Atwood?) In the dream, I went through the test, and wavered a lot, and I ended up staying because while everyone else didn't know what the world was like on the other side of the mountains, I did, and it was icky, and i thought it was better to stay. I've always wondered if i was in that situation what i really would do. I'd like to think i'd leave, but it's one of those things i think you would actually have to experience to know for sure. to have eternal happyness at the price of one suffering child, or face and unknown world and take your chances... you'd think it'd be an easy choice, but it isn't really..... I should read the story again, I haven't read it in a few years.
Whine: sunburned knees. finding you sent a scrap of paper though the washa dn it got over everything
Cheer: people. cute goths having a picnic in the parking lot at PGA
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